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The Refined Collective Podcast

Nov 24, 2020

Thank you Newsstand Studio at 1 Rockefeller Plaza for providing a place for me to record this episode for y’all! No more Brooklyn closet recording!!!


Welcome back to the That’s What He Said series, where I ask men all the questions you’re DYING to know. Last week, Ben Stuart answered the most asked question in the Christian single lady community: where are all of the single Godly men? His answer is thoughtful, encouraging, and challenging. Listen here if you missed it.


This week, I’m talking with pastor Tim Timberlake. He is the pastor of Christian Faith Center in North Carolina. He’s been married to wife Jen for over 5 years and together they have the cutest son, Maxwell Ace Timberlake. He considers himself a Christian first, husband second, father third, and pastor fourth. In this conversation from the archives, we talk about how you can grow with a person in marriage, what your “list” of perfect qualities should look like, and how we can practice sacrifice as single women. Because guess what? Marriage requires sacrifice!


How do you grow together in marriage?

  • Tim shares his experience as a divorced man who went on to find the love of his life.
  • “You can absolutely be married to God’s perfect choice, but if both people aren’t pursuing God, then that quickly changes.”
  • Communication can help us to grow together, because change is inevitable.
  • “We don’t get let down by what happens to us, we get let down by what we expected not to happen to us.”


3 things to put on your list

  1. Common Ground.
  2. Shared Faith.
  3. Physical attraction!


How can we prep for marriage as single people?

  • Love is a choice and there is no other relationship that sets us up for the sacrifices and commitment through the tough times when we are in seasons of singleness.
  • He notes that whenever he finds himself being short with the people he loves, he can pinpoint it to not spending enough time with God.
  • “I want this person to win more than I want to win in this relationship.”


Lightning round

  • Can guys tell when a woman likes her? ABSOLUTELY! But misreads do happen.
  • Does attraction have to be there from the start? Attraction will constantly evolve.
  • Which do you value more—respect or love? Respect and honor go hand in hand. Honor is impossible without love. There has to be action behind it.
  • How do I know if he likes me? If he makes sacrifices for you, he’s serious about you. There’s a distinction to be made between want (convenience) and like.


“It takes time to make something that is good. Anything that comes into your life prematurely, arrives too small. Be patient. Know that the wait will be worth it. God has His perfect plan for your life that He is building up for you.”




You know how they say it takes a village to raise a kid? Well, this podcast is like my baby. Did you know you could financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)!


We’ve been diving into some pretty big conversations around dating and what it’s like being single in today’s culture. Maybe you feel uncomfortable connecting with me on IG in a public way, so I created a private Facebook community for single ladies. (P.S. I’m always giving dating advice over there!) Head over to to join this community of women lifting each other up!