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The Refined Collective Podcast

Oct 14, 2020

Thank you Newsstand Studio at 1 Rockefeller Plaza for providing a place for me to record this episode for y’all! No more Brooklyn closet recording!!!


Welcome back to the That’s What He Said series, where I ask men all the questions you’re DYING to know. Last week, Jamal Miller got real with us about expectations in dating, whether it’s how we meet the person (be open to sliding into DMs— it works!), or what qualities we imagine our future spouse will have. Check it out here if you missed it. 


This week, I’m sharing the conversation I had a while back with LA-based mental and fitness coach Jarod Nickerson. Believe it or not, we covered pretty much every single question you guys sent in. Curious whether or not he can tell you have a crush on him? Want to let him know you’re interested, but you’re afraid of being too forward? Or maybe you’re just too afraid, period? (Who else gets sweaty palms??) Jarod shares some insight on these questions and so many more.


1. Do guys know when a girl has a crush on them?

  • Every guy is different, but plenty of guys are oblivious.


2. Do guys develop attraction over time, or does it have to be there from the get-go?

  • A lot of the time, attraction will be there from the start, but it’s possible for the attraction to develop as they get to know a girl.
  • “It’s kind of the reflection of the heart manifesting outside the body.”


3. Which do you value more: respect or love?

  • Love and respect go hand in hand.
  • “If someone doesn’t respect you, then how can they love you?”


4. How do I know if he likes me?

  • There are a lot of things to consider: Do they have self-awareness? If someone knows who they are, they can be more confident.


5. Is it true that if he’s interested, he’ll pursue/do whatever it takes to make it happen?

  • A guy will pursue and do whatever it takes to make it happen until it’s clear she does not want to pursue anything.


6. Do you think guys + girls can be just friends? 

  • Jarod believes it is possible but knows there can be confusion for some friendships. It all comes down to being transparent and honest.


7. How can I let him know I’m interested in more than just friends w/o being too aggressive/forward?

  • Confidence is sexy and honesty is important. Let it out, but don’t hang on it.
  • “If someone can’t handle you being real and honest with them, then they’re probably not someone who is always going to be calling you up and out for the rest of your life.”


8. Would you date a woman that doesn’t share your worldview/faith? 

  • Jarod says no, in short. It’s important to share a worldview.
  • “If they are truly a seeker and have a good heart, then maybe you could court that relationship, but for me I’m a follower of Jesus and if they’re not following Jesus it’s not going to work.”


9. Are you intimidated by a woman with a successful career?

  • He wants the answer to be no, but the honest answer is “probably.”
  • “All you’re doing is comparing yourself to how you think it should be, not necessarily what it is.”
  • The time when it can feel most intimidating is at the start of a relationship, but he would definitely still ask her out.


10. What’s something that women do that feels emasculating?

  • Distrust and not supporting his future would be devastating.


  • “My biggest fear in life is not supporting my future family.”



11. What’s something a woman can do to honor you/makes you feel like a man?

  • Belief—everyone loves to have someone believe in them.


12. What are you looking for in a relationship/partner?

  • “I’m looking for someone who is going to challenge me, push me, and believe in me. I only want someone in my life if they’re going to call me up to be better. I don’t want just a cheerleader.”


13. Why do you think a lot of guys don’t want to date within their own community i.e. church?

  • He notes the challenges that arise when there is close proximity in this way. If it doesn’t work out—a guy doesn’t want that ‘Scarlett letter.’
  • Don’t let fear be motivating any of your decisions in relationships.


14. Where are all the single godly men—do you think there are more single than women, or does it just seem like that?

  • The question is rooted in fear.
  • “Am I walking in alignment in the identity of the woman God has made?”
  • If you’re pursuing what God has put on your heart, you’ll see Godly men on that same path.
  • “Ask the Lord to quiet your mind and ask Him to speak.”



  • Keep up with Jarod on Instagram at @jarod.nickerson (you’ll notice he’s no longer single— sorry, ladies!)


Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to to check it out!


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