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The Refined Collective Podcast

Aug 14, 2019


Today, we are very lucky to have one of my dear friends, Dianna Bautista, on the podcast. We go way back—she once gave me my dream Beyoncé haircut (from her XO music video) in my kitchen. She used to work as a celebrity hair stylist, but now she lives and works in Thailand, where she helps men and women come out of sex trafficking through her nonprofit, Shear International. This episode, we talk about living life to the fullest regardless of the season you are in (cough cough:  whether you’re married or not). She talks about her journey of healing from an abusive marriage, and why she is loving her season of singleness.



 “I don’t want any woman to ever experience what I have experienced.”


  • The town she lives in is widely recognized as the sex tourism capital of the world. 
  • She goes into brothels, pays pimps for time with a girl, and sits to talk with them. After they build trust with these women, they help them to see that there are ways out.
  • When she was little, she was unable to use her voice to help her brother who was a victim of sexual abuse. After she came home from a trip where she witnessed similar abuse, she was encouraged by her brother to use the voice she has now.
  • “There is no room in this world for complacency.”


Red Flags

“My faith meant something to me and I just thought it was okay that he ‘respected’ what I believed.”

  • She only realized after the fact that he did not dedicate enough time to her. “I felt only worthy of what he was willing to give me.”
  • Ladies: just because he is treating you better than other men have does NOT mean he is treating you well. “Any attention he gave me was good enough.”
  • “The way that you allow people to treat you is how they will always treat you.”


Pursuing Wholeness

“We need those friends in our lives who are willing to risk putting up the mirror.”

  • These friends help us confront truths, even when they are really hard to confront.
  • “His addiction to porn became such shame to me.”
  • It took her years of therapy and healing to realize that it had nothing to do with her. “That was his shame, not mine.”
  • Healing is a long process. “You don’t get to come out free the other side unless you do the work.”
  • She acknowledges that the healing process is often even more painful than what you need healing from—it’s like breaking a bone.


Healing takes TIME.

“I want the man of my prayers, not the man of my dreams.”


  • The healing is not only a slow process, but it’s also a never-ending process. “I’ll be on my journey until the day I die.”
  • Too often, we put our lives on pause because we feel it can’t fully start until we have that one person to do it with. Lady Dianna is doing all of this single.
  • Though she would be happy to be in a relationship, she is happy where she now.
  • I’m choosing to desire what God wants for me right now because the path I wanted to be on was never going to be a good idea.”
  • God’s best for you is better than you can imagine. “I want the man of my prayers, not the man of my dreams.”


We were unexpectedly cut off as we were wrapping up because her Wi-Fi went out, but I hope this conversation has been as encouraging for you as it has been for me. She is living her calling and I want women all over the world to hear her story and realize they don’t need to wait for their life to start. Check out her nonprofit Shear Love International where you can learn  more about it and support her by giving monthly donations. Also, I want to give a shoutout to her admin Sara who has been such a supporter of the podcast!


If you like the podcast, I want to invite you to subscribe to the podcast and leave a rating and review. It helps us to get the episode out to more people and means the world to us! 


Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to to check it out! With you on the journey.


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