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The Refined Collective Podcast

May 13, 2020


I am so thrilled to be talking with Phylicia Masonheimer this week! She is an author, speaker, and theologian who just released her book Stop Calling Me Beautiful. We talk about dating, if marrying a Christian really non-negotiable, what things we should be looking for in a partner, and a whole lot more.


The Way They Met

·      Phylicia shares how she didn’t see her husband as her type when she met him, but he loved her so well and he loved God.

·      She shares the moment she decided to give it a shot with Josh, who is now her husband.


Do I need to be led spiritually by someone else?

·      Do we need to be at the same place on our spiritual journey with the man we date and marry? 

·      The church taught us that we need to be led my men who act as our spiritual leaders, but ‘spiritual leader’ isn’t mentioned anywhere in the Bible.

·      Phylicia shares the difference between complementarian views and the egalitarian views within Christianity. 

·      “We’re after the leader heart… not just somebody who has collected a lot of Bible knowledge.”


Questions to Ask the Guy You’re Getting to Know

1.     Does he desire God? Does he desire to know God? Does he desire to go deeper?

2.     Is he dependent on his friends or parents to be spiritual?

3.     What are his sexual boundaries and standards?


3 Things to Look For in a Partner

4.     Loves God

5.     Works hard

6.     Is teachable

·      “If he has those three things, then he can grow, he can change, he can develop + adapt. But it’s really hard to be tied to an unbeliever, a lazy man, or a stubborn man.”


Why you should date someone that share your faith / worldview?

·      Phylicia recalls the time she was dating an unbeliever. She was unsure if she should move forward, so she asked God for a sign. She received three.

·      “You’ve known the truth all along.”

·     2 Corinthians 6:14 — “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.”…with fundamentally different worldviews you’re pulling in different directions—you want to be with someone who is moving forward with you.



·      You can buy her book, Stop Calling Me Beautifulhere.

·      Keep up with her at or on Instagram at @phyliciamasonheimer.


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Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to to check it out!