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The Refined Collective Podcast

Jun 4, 2019

Hey, friends! The Dudes Series is back this week with Jeff Johnson, a worship pastor at Passion City Church in Atlanta. This episode is all about how to create a culture of honor in dating. Jeff shares his love story (he and his wife, Jourdan, dated off and on for 10 years), which is a beautiful reminder that love can look different for everyone. He also talks about the biggest fears guys have (spoiler alert: they have just as many as we do), pornography, and what to do when/if the guy you’re with shares that he struggles in this area.

Does attraction have to be there from the start?

  • Personally, he was physically attracted to Jourdan since the first time he saw her.
  • “Over the years, there are certain characteristics of hers that make me more attracted to her.”
  • Attraction is not just physical; attraction goes deeper than that. “Her character speaks louder than her beauty.”

How can a break be used for growth?

  • They broke up after being together for 8 years. Jeff thought he just needed time to work on himself, but Jourdan moved on and started dating a new guy.
  • “Every struggle I’m trying to work through needs to be about God… not for Jourdan.”
  • Jeff put in the work, invited his community in to the struggle, and sought counseling.
  • They got back together two years later when he was clear with his intentions with her. They were married within six months.

Which do you value more, respect or love?

  • “Guys want to feel respected and like they carry weight in the relationship.”
  • He acknowledges that men are wounded—some guys out there did not have the male leaders guiding them to step into their roles as a man.
  • “Extend grace to the guy that you’re walking with because they are broken.”
  • Sometimes we need to just remember that we are all broken and it is not productive to expect perfection from the other person.

What are the biggest fears guys have in relationships?

  • If they open up about something, they want to know they will be accepted and understood. They want to feel safe.
  • Being with someone 24/7, everything comes out into the open. “When you get married, there is nothing off the table.”
  • “I know your story and it’s covered by grace, just like my story is covered by grace.”

How do you discuss porn when he shares it is something he struggles with?

  • It’s hard for women to hear these struggles because they often fall into the trap of thinking they are not enough, which is not the case.
  • Think about if you see friends in his life bringing him closer to Christ and challenging him on this issue.
  • “That’s a really good indication of what her life might look like with this person... if he’s willing to fight through the hard things or if he’s not.” 

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to to check it out! With you on the journey.


Kat Harris