Aug 28, 2019
Bianca Olthoff is a
pastor, Bible teacher, speaker, author, and a million other things.
She and her husband began planning churches this past year and
their love story is incredible. She also just released a book
where she shows us how to confront the hard truths of life. Our
interview was cut short because of technical problems, but we had
such an incredible chat about divorce, sugar daddies, the
expectations we put on ourselves, and the mentalities that hold us
The Heart Behind Her Book
- Bianca’s third book, How To Have Your Life
Not Suck, is a sort of manual for her 25-year-old self
that was facing life’s challenges.
- “If you are not dead, God ain’t done,
- She looks back on these lessons and sees how they apply to her
life even today.
- “It’s your story, it’s your pain, it’s your loss,
it’s your tragedy, it’s your trauma, it’s your success, it’s your
wins, and no one can take that from you.”
- We love the up and down journeys of characters in films, but
when we experience the downs in life, we want none of it. But we
need it to become who we are.
- “We want the progress without the process and it
doesn’t work like that.”
- When Bianca turned 25, she looked back at the goals she set for
herself several years earlier and found she was not where she
wanted to be.
- “I’m willing to step into the hard, I’m willing to
- The difference between girls and women is not a matter of age,
it is a matter of choice. Choosing to step into the hard work makes
you an adult.
- “There is beauty in the work.”
On Wanting Sugar Daddies
- “We can wait around hoping, wishing, praying that
Prince Charming will come and rescue us but the truth is that if we
are believers in Christ we’ve already been
- Bianca challenges us to prove to ourselves that we can take
care of ourselves.
- She warns us to not take it too far, though. “In
our independence we can push people away.”
- If we are open for relationships, are we making that known?
Like lights on taxis, we need to indicate if we are open or shut
down to the possibility.
- “We want to complain about things that we actually
have control over.”
Bianca’s Love Story
- Bianca was in her late 20’s and waiting for God to bring a man
to her doorstep.
- She ultimately started an online dating profile on eHarmony,
where she ended up meeting her current husband, who had previously
been married and had two children.
- She was confronted by the opinions of society, her family, her
friends, and her church.
- “We have an opportunity to play a part in someone’s
redemption story. That is a gift. That is an honor. But let me say
this: that is not easy.”
- “When you choose that person, you’re choosing their
- Ruth was a widow, was barren, could no longer have kids, and
went to work and caught the eye of an amazing man who loved
- “The moment you walk in in this servitude of ‘I
can’t believe you’ve seen me, woe is me,’ is the moment you forget
who you are. Child of God, you are fearfully and wonderfully
- If you are in that mindset, it will take work and therapy to
achieve a healthy mindset.
- “There are beautiful things that grow out of really
dry and barren places so don’t give up.”
Now I’m not divorced, but did this talk with Bianca make me cry?
YUP. I am so grateful for Bianca, her friendship, her book, and her
story. Her book just came out yesterday and you can buy it on Amazon,
Barnes and Noble, or any brick and mortar shop. You can get
more info at BiancaOlthoff.com or on social
media at @biancaolthoff.
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Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world?
This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to
Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These
resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to getting out
on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdatingtips to check it
out! With you on the journey.