Oct 9, 2019
Are you a single woman of faith trying to figure out how to
navigate dating in today’s hookup culture and online dating? I get
it… it can be confusing and frustrating. This week I brought a
Christian sexologist on the podcast to help navigate these murky
Celeste Holbrook’s goal in life is to create safe spaces for
women to talk about sex. My hope is that this will encourage you to
get curious about your own sexuality.
Growing Up In Purity Culture
- Celeste grew up going to purity conferences and wearing a
- Her home was not shame-filled, but everyone around her was very
conservative when it came to conversations about sex.
The Moment They Were Waiting For
- When they first had sex, it was extremely painful and not
enjoyable for her.
- “I thought I was going to be rewarded with great
- This disconnect between Celeste and her husband began to erode
- “I felt a lot of shame for not living up to what I
thought I should be sexually.”
- She realized she never had good sex education. She decided to
embark on a journey to unlearn shame, and to learn her body in a
Deconstructing Sex And Shame
- “I went through that process so that I could enter
into a sexual space and feel worthy of pleasure and sex that felt
- After experiencing breakthrough and pain-free sex, she made it
her mission to help others in similar circumstances and pivoted
from studying behavior to sexual behavior.
- “Although it’s a natural biological thing, it
doesn’t come naturally. You have to learn how to do it just like
riding a bike.”
- Madonna Whore Complex: “You’re shamed if you
have too much sex and you’re shamed if you have no sex. There’s
this pendulum that we can’t seem to step out
What Is Sexuality?
- Sexuality is way more than just sex, desire, or physical
intimacy. “Sexuality is far more than that bottom layer
of what it looks like biologically.”
What Is Sex?
- A lot of single Christian women are wondering about physical
boundaries in sex.
- 75% of women don’t climax from vaginal sex—they climax from
- Freud told women that to have an orgasm through clitoral
stimulation is to be infantile.
- In 1998, neurologist Helen Connoll put the clitoris into the
journal of sexual medicine.
- “Limiting the term ‘sex’ to ‘penis’ and ‘vagina’ is
marginalizing and produces shame.”
- Pleasure gets confused with hedonism, but pleasure is
acknowledged in Matthew 6:26.
- “We can’t have the conversation about pleasure and
spirituality without having a conversation about
What is Sensuality?
- “When we think about us as sensual beings, we are
literally experiencing the creation and the creator through all
five of our senses.”
- Sensuality can be as simple as being in the moment. We can’t
experience our senses in the past or future… only the present.
- What does celibacy mean to you when sensuality and sexuality
are closely related? You can embrace sensuality in these smaller
ways before we have sex.
Books To Read:
If any parts of this conversation have felt triggering for you,
just know that whatever you’re feeling is valid. There is no
judgement. Validate your feelings and then question why those
feelings are coming up for you. “Our God is one
that encourages curious questions and sincere
questioning.” Celeste has so many resources for
you, including 20 sex-enhancing questions
for freeon her website.
She also offers free30-minute
discovery calls. If you have questions about anything we talked
about today, go to her website and click on “30
Minute Discovery Call.” She also has coursesfor
one on one consulting if that feels right for you.
If you are enjoying the podcast, I want to invite you
to leave a rating and review on iTunes! We love hearing what your
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Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world?
This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to
Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These
resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a
date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdatingtips to check it
out! With you on the journey.