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The Refined Collective Podcast

Jul 23, 2018

Johan Khalilian has been a dear friend for years, and today he is a guest on the podcast! He is a person who fights for truth, and there isn’t a complacent bone in his body.  He continually challenges himself and those around him to grow. He is a youth motivational speaker and has been for fifteen years. Today we’re talking about God, faith, and the deconstruction of sex.


Truth and Rebellion


  • “Seeing God clearly is the point of life.”


  • He decided early on that he was never going to drink alcohol or do drugs, because his uncle was an example of what that lifestyle looked like and he didn’t want that for himself.


  • He works to go against what others expect of him. “I think we all have a rebellious spirit in us.”


  • The key is to know when it is the time to rebel.
  • Society labels things good or bad for us, but we need to learn to be comfortable enough in the grey area to determine our own good and bad.


  • “Truth is this thing we have to consistently be pursuing.”



The Superpower of Sex

  • Seeing his uncle take advantage of women as a child, Johan decided at a young age that he wasn’t going to be a womanizer. He wanted sex to be meaningful. At the time it wasn’t a faith-based decision, but a pure act of rebellion.
  • He now teaches abstinence in the faith-based framework.


  • “Wherever God is, I want to be.”


  • He opens up about his experience having sex for the first time--and the deconstruction after that.  The realization of how much of his identity was wrapped around his sex life--or lack there of.
  • We acknowledge the fact that it is easy to feel shame when it comes to sexual desire, but that is not a healthy way to live.


When You Stray

  • Johan has had rollercoaster relationships with women, and his decision to be abstinent.
  • He found himself in places of pain, hurt, and lacking fulfillment.


  • “You just walk away still feeling alone.”


  • He recognized that sex does not provide intimacy to his relationship.
  • He opens up about the thought that maybe he is going to be single his whole life, and what then?


Making Your Decision

  • Sometimes you have to drop the “should” and “shouldn’t” and evaluate your decision on a deeper level.
  • I connect this back to a story of the time I was confronted with the decision to smoke weed also.


  • We talk about how women and men experience the balance of relationships differently.



Johan is such a gift and I am so glad I had the opportunity to talk to him on the podcast. You can keep up with him on Instagram, or at his website, I hope this helped give you insight into how variable the journey of abstinence can be. Remember, tribe, you are not alone in this!


This episode is brought to you by my very own PDF Guide called “While You Wait.” I made this resource guide to help guide others in their journey to wait to have sex until marriage. I remember feeling so lost on my “why” and these resources helped guide me toward it and I hope they can provide guidance for y’all too.


Friends, it would mean so much if you showed some love by subscribing, rating, and reviewing the podcast. Screenshot your review and DM it to me and I will give you a shoutout on Instagram! I appreciate you all so much.