Dec 16, 2020
Thank you Newsstand Studio
at 1 Rockefeller Plaza for providing a place for me to record this
episode for y’all! No more Brooklyn closet
2020 has changed… everything. On
all levels. But what I want to focus on in this episode is how
dating has changed. You may have found that dating this year has
maybe been really frustrating for you or really life-changing and
beautiful. Either way, it is teaching some lessons we can carry
into 2021 and I’m here for it.
- Socially-distanced dating
you ever think you’d consider FaceTime dates with a complete
stranger? Hinge and Bumble are actively telling their users to have
can resist the change or you can embrace it.
- Honesty hour: they haven’t worked all that well
for me. BUT it CAN! I have a friend who met a guy pre-quarantine,
had FaceTime dates then socially distanced dates, and now 8 months
later THEY’RE MARRIED!
- There’s an opportunity here to take things
slow. You can get to know a person outside of the
- Are Politics a Deal Breaker?
no secret that I’m not a fan of Trump. If you like and voted for
Trump, hear me, I do not hate you. In fact, I think it’s
important we build bridges of connection. However, if I meet a man
who thinks Trump is an incredible man of honor? Then our values are
out of alignment and what is important to us does not match up. And
that is important to me in a relationship.
- I can trust my gut
whole life, I was taught not to trust myself. By family, by college
athletic trainers, by the church, I was told I’m dramatic, I should
ignore what my body is telling me, and my heart is
learned that I do have discernment. My body is good and my
intuition speaks to me.
- Ephesians 2:10 “poiema” // We are the poetry of
God. God doesn’t make bad things.
does this relate to dating? If there are no big red flags in
dating, I think it’s smart to give a guy a chance for three dates.
It takes time to get to know a person! BUT I do think it’s
important to trust your gut. There’s a balance here: it doesn’t
have to be “either or.” It can be a “both and.” Be gracious and
open, but take yellow flags into consideration.
- Being Christian isn’t enough
- Sharing faith still really matters to me, but
now more than ever I recognize that it’s not the
only thing that matters to me.
- I had
an experience long distance dating a guy early this year and
multiple times I brought up racial reconciliation and it was
clearly not something that mattered to him. I also learned that gay
people make him uncomfortable. I couldn’t understand how he could
love God and not advocate for Black people and support the LGBTQIA
love of God isn’t dependent on whether or not you have heterosexual
- Growth Mindset
- Confronted with an area of growth, what is your
response? Is it defensiveness or humility?
- Instead of, “You’re wrong, I’m right.” It
should be “I haven’t thought of it that way, I’d love to learn
- Show don’t tell
you ever been with a guy who says all the right things? All the
things you wanted to hear? Really pay attention to
- Someone can say the right things and not follow
through, and really time will tell.
- Listen to what a guy says, not what you want
him to say. If he says “I’m not ready for a relationship,” you
could think “Wow, he’s so vulnerable,” but really that’s a red
- Humor is non-negotiable
just about broke the internet with this IG post back in October. But I stand by
is HARD! And we don’t need to be with a stand-up comedian, but life
is messy and I need a guy who is a friend that I can laugh
- Physical attraction is important, but sex isn’t
24/7. Who do I want to be with when we’re going through the hard
moments, the boring moments, the everyday moments?
- Drop the double standards
that same IG post, I said you should be open to dating a guy who is
shorter than you. And you all had a LOT of thoughts about
are always so upset when a guy doesn’t want to date us based on
looks, but we’re doing the same thing by saying we won’t date a
willing for love to look differently than you expected for
- If we
have a standard for a guy, let’s live by that same
- Trust and surrender
35… I want to have kids yesterday. I’m ready to settle down. I
thought this was my year for love.
- I can
do all the “right” things, be clear about my vision, be open to
love, and be putting myself out there…. And life can
I’ve really learned was that I can trust and surrender because God
has my best.
How has 2020 changed dating for
you? I really want to hear! I love a good round number and need a
10th point;) So let me know on social media @therefinedwoman. Thank
you for all the listens, downloads, messages, comments, and
feedback this year. We are so grateful for this amazing
We’re told that we should
pray for our future husbands— it makes sense, right? The problem
is: nobody ever teaches us how. My friend Stephanie May Wilson
created the Every Single Moment Prayer Journal to help with exactly
that. It is 100 powerful guided prayers and prompts to help you
savor the present and prepare for the future.
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