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The Refined Collective Podcast

Jun 6, 2019

This is the FINAL episode of the Dudes Series, y’all! This is actually the first episode I recorded for the series and the one where I ask the top 15 questions you’re dying to ask the men in your life. This episode, I’m talking with Matt Dooley—you may recognize his last name because he is married to my good friend Jordan Lee Dooley, who just released her book Own Your Everyday. He is humble, unafraid of his wife’s strength, and a man of integrity. In this conversation, we tackle A LOT to get ready to take notes.

Do guys know when a girl has a crush on them?

  • No—you’ve got to spell it out for them.
  • “We don’t have the same emotional intelligence as women.”

Do guys develop attraction over time or does it have to be there from the get-go?

  • He knows this won’t be the case for everybody, but he knew the moment he met Jordan that she was the one.
  • “You want the person to love you for who you are—don’t change yourself so a person will like you.”

Which do you value more—respect or love?

  • He mentions a book called Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. The book outlines that while men and women need both love and respect, women need love most and men need respect most.

How do I know if he likes me?

  • He will prioritize you if he likes you.
  • “When you’re in a relationship with someone, you have to sacrifice for them.”

Is it true that if he is interested he will do whatever it takes to make it happen?

  • He’ll definitely pursue, but The Notebook isn’t real life.
  • Don’t be afraid to take a leap and start a conversation about it if he is not being clear.

Do you think guys and girls can be just friends?

  • No—biologically we were not wired for that.
  • “When the romance isn’t there, the friendship isn’t there.”

How can I let him know I am interested in being more than just friends?

  • The same way he will show you—give him your time.
  • “To love at all is to be vulnerable.” – C.S. Lewis

Would you recommend dating someone who doesn’t share your worldview or faith?

  • Shared faith is the rock-solid foundation of a successful relationship.
  • “When you have arguments and disagreements, you have this to fall back on.”

Are men intimidated by women with a successful career?

  • Men can be competitive by nature—but he should be focused on supporting his wife more than feeling insecure.
  • “Is she going to give me the time and attention that I need?”

What is something women do that feels emasculating?

  • He likes to pay for dinner on a date. Basically, let a man be chivalrous and honor you.
  • “If you don’t let a man put you first, he’s not going to put you first.”

How can a woman honor and respect the man in her life?

  • “Acknowledge his successes and encourage him.”
  • This is more effective than yelling at him when he makes mistakes.

What do you think men are looking for in a relationship?

  • They need someone to push them and call them on their crap.
  • “You want someone to call you out because you’re refining each other.”

Why do you think a lot of guys don’t date within their own community (like church)?

  • Fear of awkwardness at church every week if it doesn’t work out.
  • Some of them may do this because they don’t want the accountability.

What do you think is a guy’s biggest fear in a relationship?

  • Infidelity, especially if that is something he has been hurt by in the past.

Where are all of the single Godly men?

  • “Not every guy is going to look like Brad Pitt, have a six pack and love Jesus.”
  • Give a chance to the guy who is pursuing you.

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to to check it out! With you on the journey.


Kat Harris