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The Refined Collective Podcast

May 28, 2019

Welcome to another episode in the Dudes Series! (If you missed the first two episodes, you can listen to them here and here!) This episode, I’m continuing the conversation with Ben Stuart, the pastor of Passion City Church DC. Before that, he ran a college ministry and a singles ministry. Basically, he has worked with a lot of young single Christians. DC is one of the loneliest cities in America and people are longing for connection, so he has found a lot of people come to his church looking for that connection. This episode, we do a deep dive into some of your biggest questions about dating.

Where are all of the single Godly men?

  • There are two levels to this question: physically where are they… and why are they not pursing me?
  • He notes the social implications of technology has changed the dating scene. People are losing the personal connection and ability to socialize in person.
  • Only 12% of single women were asked out in the last year.
  • “I know great men that are running in the world, and if you get running in a healthy direction, you’re going to see them out there.”
  • There can be a blame shift that happens when we lament that there are no guys out there.
  • “Empathize with your brothers that they are struggling too.”
  • Around 10% of women ask men out every year—they want to be pursued!

How can you have a healthy dynamic in a male/female friendship?

  • Friendship is possible, but it’s important to ask yourself and the other person what friendship really means.
  • “If you say, ‘I want to be friends,’ but any other person’s presence makes you feel threatened… you don’t want to be friends. You want possession.”
  • Long term, is it worth spending all of your energy on male friendships? When you get married, would you husband be comfortable with them around?
  • Are we too busy getting all of our micro-needs met by several guy friends to have our needs met by one romantic partner?
  • “Decoupling commitment and sex damaged both. We lost both.”

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to to check it out! With you on the journey.