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The Refined Collective Podcast

May 22, 2019

I’m so excited to launch this Podcast Series.  For several months now, I’ve been working behind-the-scenes with incredible, godly men all over the United States.  I slid into DMs to BEG…I mean ask legit men to be on my podcast.  All for you ladies…that’s how much I care about y’all!  Why did I do that?  Because, I’ve been compiling the top questions you send me about men and dating for over a year now.  Everything from:  where are all the single men to does he know if I have a crush on him…and everything in-between.


I figured I could answer them.  But heck…why not go straight to the source, and ask the men!  So that’s what I did.  For the next month, I will be rolling out a series of interviews that I hosted with some of the most solid married and single godly men in the US.  So, get your notepads out ladies.  We’re having some #REALTALK.


First up, mogul, entrepreneur, and pastor: Jamal Miller.  Jamal is husband to Natasha, father of two daughters, CEO of @millermediagroup, founder of @marriedandyoung, and online campus pastor at All Nations Chicago. Today, he’s answering some of your top questions about dating. We talk about how he’s an advocate for sliding into those DMs, can guys and girls really be friends, and the number one reason that guy is not asking you out.


From DMs to Real Life

  • Jamal wanted a really special love story, but the way it happened for them was through Facebook. He saw her and slid into her DMs after he saw she loved God.
  • After getting clear on his intentions and discussing the situation with his pastor, he messaged her asking to take it to the next step—a phone call.
  • After this went well, they met in person and eventually met each other’s families and were engaged after six months.


Divorce the Person in Your Head

  • When you’re single, you have this image in your head of the person you’re ‘supposed to’ be with. When you’re in a relationship, you have to get rid of that image.
  • We can get stuck in not feeling connection with those who feel familiar.
  • “Your feelings don’t know your future.”


Friend Zone v Danger Zone

  • Men and women can be friends, but they can’t be best friends. Once you become best friends, that can become the danger zone. Get clear on the potential in the future of the relationship.
  • “Friendship is a breeding ground for marriage.”
  • Everyone fears rejection, so they feel things out before they communicate their intentions—but it’s important to get clear on intentions early on.
  • “If you’re going to be a bad friend, you’re going to be a bad spouse.”


Give Him a Nudge

  • Guys can be insecure and not all of them are comfortable pursuing.
  • Help each other—don’t be afraid to nudge a guy and let him know you are interested in being pursued.
  • Don’t let a timid guy be a deal breaker. Be willing to create the space to allow him to pursue.
  • We’re all afraid of rejection—starting these conversations online can help.
  • Pray for mentors in the lives of men to lift them up—those are future husbands. 


How to Be Part of the Solution

  • Take responsibility as a woman and fight for the men in your life.
  • Instead of complaining and lamenting—pray for him.


Keep up with Jamal on Instagram at @jamalmiller and his wife, Natasha, at @natashaannmiller


Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!


Hey, single ladies— Has Christian Dating felt like a #STRUGGLEFEST?  Girl...I get it.  But it doesn't have to be. This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to to check it out! With you on the journey.