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The Refined Collective Podcast

Mar 20, 2019

Warning: this is spoiler alert city for the season finale of The Bachelor. This week, I’m talking about all of the lessons I learned from The Bachelor. If you don’t watch the show, that’s totally fine. This is not a gossip fest or tearing down other women—I am not here to make anyone right or wrong. This is just me talking about common dating mistakes and dating principles.


1. Integrity is KEY.

What’s word on the street about the person you're dating?  If there’s a general consensus about this person, maybe bring it up to them so you can clear the air.


2. Timing is EVERYTHING.

You can meet the right person, but if it’s the wrong timing or either of you aren’t ready… it won’t work!


3. When a guy is into you, he will move mountains to be with you (or jump an 8-foot fence).

Colton was all in with Cassie, and was willing to do whatever it took to prove to Cassie his commitment--even jump an 8-foot fence.

4. LISTEN to what he’s saying.

We often hear what we want to hear, as opposed to taking what a person is saying at face value.  If a guy is telling you he’s not ready for a relationship, then he’s not ready for a relationship.

5. Be willing to be honest (‘I don’t know’ is not an answer).

Whenever Colton would ask Cassie questions about why she felt not quite ready, her answer was always ‘I don’t know.’ Granted sometimes we actually don’t know, but it usually means we just haven’t done the internal work, or are afraid of admitting to ourselves and the other person for fear of rejection.


6. Every opportunity is an opportunity to grow if we choose it to be.

Alabama Hannah (the next bachelorette) was one of this seasons instigators and DRAMA queens.  However, during the tell-all, she owned her behavior, acknowledged how disappointed she was with herself, made amends publicly and privately with some of the girls.  Instead of being defensive, she owned up to her faults, and used it as an opportunity to grow.


7. Rejection is protection.

All the girls want to know when they get sent home is ‘why am I not enough?’ and ‘what could I have done differently?’ And it makes me so sad, because it has nothing to do with them! Rejection isn’t a personal attack on you, sometimes you’re just not their person.  Their no, is for your greater good.


8. Know what you want.

Knowing what I want in the future helps me walk out the president with clarity, intention, and integrity. It’s okay to change your mind—you don’t owe the guy anything. But if someone walks onto this show unsure if they are ready for or even want marriage, then they are probably shouldn't be on the show.


9. Hannah G.

On the women tell all, she said ‘I deserve a man who is willing to jump the fence with me.’ Which is what Colton did when Cassie was breaking up with him. She saw this and really realized that he just wasn’t as into her.  We are all worth a guy going to great lengths to fight for us.  


10. Stay classy.

Ladies, let’s just stay classy. I learned this from Queen Tayshia. At every turn, she chose to take the high road, even when Colton was breaking up with her. She could have been defensive and angry, but she realized that it was about his heart being somewhere else. Yeah, I love to have the last word, but that does not serve me or the other person.


Have some thoughts on The Bachelor? Let’s start a dialogue! (Even if you don’t agree with me!) Share your thoughts on IG and tag us! Did you know that outside of @therefinedwoman Instagram account, we also have an account for the podcast? It’s under @therefinedcollective. So head over to Instagram to see all things podcast related.


Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search ‘The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!


Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to to check it out! With you on the journey.