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The Refined Collective Podcast

May 15, 2018

Back in January, I was on The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey podcast. As her guest, I reflect on old jobs, old perspectives, and old heartache. It was the first time I did a podcast interview about my choice to remain celibate until marriage, and what that journey looks like for me. Ever since that episode aired, I have received over a thousand messages from people curious about my decision and my thoughts on dating, relationships, and sex. As more and more of you are expressing an interest in my sex--or sexless--life, I thought I would give you the opportunity to revisit it!

“God’s timing is different from ours.”

When relationships don’t work out, our first reaction is to be disappointed. But there are several relationships that I look back on and thank God it didn’t go anywhere. My girlfriends and I often say, “Rejection is protection” because the relationships that don’t work out can open you up to be ready for a relationship that will be the one you deserve.


“I know I would rather be single than with a man who’s not a good fit for me.”

Choosing not to have sex until I’m married is a decision I made when I was young. Now, as a 32-year-old living in New York, it can feel like God is testing me. I won’t lie, there were a few times I wanted to abandon my commitment and came close to it. Some things I remind myself of are the fact that sex would cloud my judgment. There are some relationships where it felt like all we had was physical attraction and intimacy. But that can’t hold a relationship, especially if you get married, have kids, and go through phases of not having that physical intimacy.

Sustainable transformation

Beyond this, I talk with Jamie about how I made practical changes in my life for my health and happiness, like getting sleep and taking time for myself once in a while. Too often we think we have to do it 100% or not at all, but that keeps us from change and progress. We have to be patient and intentional in the pursuit of our goals. Don’t compare your journey to someone else’s. We are all in process and that is okay.

Changing the dialogue

The Refined Woman was created five years ago while I was shooting runway.  While reflecting on this with Jamie, I remember a model coming up to me after a shoot and thanking me for simply asking her name. I remember thinking “What does it look like to offer a different dialogue in an industry that says I matter because of what I do, my status, the power I do or do not have.”

Five years into changing this dialogue, I am grateful for the tribe it has created. I hope this was informative for you no matter what your choices are or what your faith is. I’ll be working on more content related to my journey for y’all.

Thanks for listening, tribe. This episode was sponsored by Jamie Ivey's Podcast The Happy Hour.  Each week she interviews a women of faith, living a purposeful life.  Subscribe to her podcast here + find her on instagram here! Thanks, Happy Hour!

PS Photo c/o Sara Kerens

Kat Harris