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The Refined Collective Podcast


Apr 10, 2019

This week, Audrey Roloff is on the podcast! She just released a book with her husband, Jeremy Roloff, called “A Love Letter Life:  Pursue Creatively, Date Intentionally, Love Faithfully” and it is number two on Amazon! (Buy it here!!) But it didn’t happen overnight. Writing their book was a two-year process.

Co-Authoring With A Spouse

  • Audrey is an Enneagram 8 (Challenger) & Jeremy is an Enneagram 9 (Peacemaker).
  • “No two numbers are compatible because no to two humans are compatible—we complement each other and we refine each other, but we are not compatible.”
  • While Audrey had a tendency to think everything was urgent, Jeremy kept them grounded and reminded her that not everything was the end of the world.
  • “We have learned to recognize our differences as gifts that we get to bring to each other”

The Way They Met

  • The two were set up on a blind date by friends. They thought their friends were crazy because they were fresh out of relationships. But their friends were adamant.
  • They were fascinated by each other as human beings, but “It was not this sparks flying kind of a night.”
  • They remained friends for two whole years. Then, 10 days before Jeremy left for film and photography school, they decided to start dating.
  • Jeremy had a very public life on the TLC show “Little People, Big World.” But since their relationship had to be long distance for so long, they were able to keep it out of the public eye. Their book is the story that was never shared during that time.
  • One month after graduation, they got married.

The Patient Pursuit

  • They were in seasons of personal growth when they met—and they were young! Audrey was not looking for a boyfriend, but Jeremy realized a week after they met that they wanted more.
  • They refer to the next two years as the “patient pursuit.” Jeremy wasn’t aggressive about it, but he remained in her life as a friend.
  • They wanted time to get to know each other and become friends without the added confusion of physical intimacy.
  • As a result, their relationship was built on patience, beauty, effort, and intention.
  • “Stop settling for convenient relationships—relationships aren’t convenient.”
  • Audrey recognizes that relationships are about breaking down the walls around you and learning to build new ones around your relationship.

Lessons Learned

  • Through their long distance relationship, they realized the importance of overcommunicating and being creative in how they loved each other. Audrey believes navigating this time is what set them up for marriage.
  • They don’t claim to be marriage experts. “We wanted to write this book while being in the same season as the person we are writing to.”
  • Social media is limited, and they wanted to share more than just their highlight reel.

Advice For The Woman Who Thinks There Are No Guys Out There:

  • “If you believe the lie that ‘there are no guys out there for me,’ then you’re going to live that lie.”
  • Reach out to friends who know you, love you and trust you—ask them to set you up!
  • “You can’t help who you fall in love with, but you can help who you spend time with.”

How To Date Intentionally

  • Pursue friendship—be a good friend to the person you are dating.
  • Ask hard questions—it’s easy to get lost in a cloud of feelings. Do you know about their upbringing? The way they handle conflict? Momentary honesty might sting, but long-term lies are infectious.”
  • She recognizes that getting everything out in the open is key. “Illuminate our past in order to imagine for our future.”
  • Live our lives more—look up from our phones and be present with everyone. “You may have met your husband, but you were on the phone.”

Keep up with Audrey on Instagram at @audreyroloff, her and Jeremy’s website TheRoloffs.com, and their podcast Behind the Scenes.

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

 

XO,

Kat